I feel like posting again.
I'm clean and shiny and I'm in the process of cleaning my room. I'm washing my sheets now and next up is my laundry. Once my bed is re-made and the laundry is put away I'll probably go clean my bathroom. Then, I'll get to work on this ginormous pile of magazines to cut up for my clip book.
I find myself worrying a lot about my appearance these days. Last year I didn't give a flying fuck but all of sudden during the beginning of this year I'm freaking out about my teeth, skin, hair, body. I've gotten contact lenses and I straighten my hair to hide my curls. I've started to wear more make up and I hardly wear t-shirts anymore. I dunno why I seem to hate myself all of a sudden, but I do. I weighed 126 lbs. when I was in Hawaii two years ago and I now weigh 118. I feel like I could afford to lose like three more pounds but at the same time I'm afraid of getting an eating disorder or something. I don't starve myself or throw up or anything, but I'm so very self concious. I've decided the reason is because I've never ever had a serious boyfriend or even a boy who was really interested in me and even my friends and classmates I would never suspect to have a significant other do, and no, it's not just a sex thing. I feel like such a bitch for thinking "Why does she have a boyfriend?" and I hate myself for it.
When I say I hate myself, no, it doesn't keep me awake at night and I sure as hell don't want to kill/mutilate myself. I do not want to participate in self-destructive behaviors. I just go "Oh wow, I hate that about myself, boo hoo, let's go listen to SexyBack". Well, an exaggeration, but you know how it is.
I used to do this toning excercise thing but when we started getting real into guard rehearsals before competition and during competition itself I didn't do them anymore, I didn't have time or I was too tired.
I should start doing them again. Then maybe I won't feel so self concious. Of course, if the ProActiv works and maybe if I get teeth whitening strips maybe I'll feel better and won't care, but I doubt it. Grah, I hate getting on my "low pony" like this.
I'm clean and shiny and I'm in the process of cleaning my room. I'm washing my sheets now and next up is my laundry. Once my bed is re-made and the laundry is put away I'll probably go clean my bathroom. Then, I'll get to work on this ginormous pile of magazines to cut up for my clip book.
I find myself worrying a lot about my appearance these days. Last year I didn't give a flying fuck but all of sudden during the beginning of this year I'm freaking out about my teeth, skin, hair, body. I've gotten contact lenses and I straighten my hair to hide my curls. I've started to wear more make up and I hardly wear t-shirts anymore. I dunno why I seem to hate myself all of a sudden, but I do. I weighed 126 lbs. when I was in Hawaii two years ago and I now weigh 118. I feel like I could afford to lose like three more pounds but at the same time I'm afraid of getting an eating disorder or something. I don't starve myself or throw up or anything, but I'm so very self concious. I've decided the reason is because I've never ever had a serious boyfriend or even a boy who was really interested in me and even my friends and classmates I would never suspect to have a significant other do, and no, it's not just a sex thing. I feel like such a bitch for thinking "Why does she have a boyfriend?" and I hate myself for it.
When I say I hate myself, no, it doesn't keep me awake at night and I sure as hell don't want to kill/mutilate myself. I do not want to participate in self-destructive behaviors. I just go "Oh wow, I hate that about myself, boo hoo, let's go listen to SexyBack". Well, an exaggeration, but you know how it is.
I used to do this toning excercise thing but when we started getting real into guard rehearsals before competition and during competition itself I didn't do them anymore, I didn't have time or I was too tired.
I should start doing them again. Then maybe I won't feel so self concious. Of course, if the ProActiv works and maybe if I get teeth whitening strips maybe I'll feel better and won't care, but I doubt it. Grah, I hate getting on my "low pony" like this.
posted by L-Dizzle at 4:56 PM
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